When do I not have more to say?
If you feel so inclined, you might consider going back to read last night's entry, as well as the following one.
:) eh, eh?
So. I am sitting here listening to the soundtrack to the movie Pride&Prejudice, and thinking about (the inevitable) love. I hope that none of you are deprived enough to be living life without seeing this movie, but just in case, I'll summarize:
There is this family full of girls, all coming of age and looking for husbands. Throughout the stream of events taking place in the film, they are one by one given over to men in marriage. The two eldest daughters are the only ones truly in pursuit of love in their relational dealings, and the story mainly follows their pursuits, specifically the younger of the two, Elizabeth. Lizzie, feisty, young, and lovely, meets a man called Darcy and immediately hates him, and the feeling is evidently mutual. However, over the course of time, it becomes clear that the two are, in fact, in love with one another, and quite unwilling to face the matter. Darcy confronts Elizabeth, confessing his love, and she does not encourage his pursuit of her. Somehow, though, they end up together in the end, blissfully enthralled by their love for one another.
Obviously, they are perfect for each other, all is right with the world, and the credits roll.
But, hey, wait a minute! (my head exclaims, while my heart is sighing.)
Who calls the shots around here? How is it that two people who despise each other on first meeting can truly value one another in the most intimate way, given time? He kisses her face over and over and calls her Mrs. Darcy and our hearts move in a collective swoon, but something in me wants a little more than what I've been given.
What I'm trying to say is, what makes two people "right" for each other? Is it spiritual? Physical? Emotional? Psychological? What defines the edges of this vast decision of someone being the "right" one for you? Can other people tell you this or is it something only you, in the very deepest places of your soul, can know? Is it a moment of clear definition or a process of slowly leaning until you fall?
The terrible and beautiful thing about these questions is that whenever you ask someone who should know the answers, all they do is get this deep look in their eye and say "You'll know, baby. You'll just know."
So, then. The answers are lurking in my future, apparently. But why does everyone else, everyone who really probably doesn't know, keep saying things about love like they know what they're talking about?
People like me.
I guess if nobody was allowed to conjecture or consider or think aloud then, well, life wouldn't be all that thrilling. But, still. When the ones who don't know speak as if they do...then there are problems.
Anyway. These are just half-thoughts. Obviously, I don't have conclusions, or I'd be writing a book or something instead of a blog.
So, to make us all feel more accomplished, I'll make a list.
Things I Would Like To Do In The Near Future:
5. Get a job. Self-explanatory. Job = cash. Cash = buy stuff. Buy stuff = car!
4. See the ocean. I was looking at photographs of Peaks Island, Maine, yesterday, and I felt all of this sadness rushing around inside of me. We usually go and stay as a family with our friends in their house on the island in the summer time. (Prepositional phrases, much?) We're not going this year. I am heartaching.
3. Finish school. I have so little left, it's maddening. It seems like it will never end, and yet the end is so near. I can do this. It's almost over...
2. Finish applying for GSC. Okay, so I don't want to do this one. But I do want to joint-enroll in the Fall. Hopefully, they are home-school friendly.
1. Eat more watermelon. It is a summmer fruit. Every time we buy it, it disappears in like, hours. I am no small contributor to this phenomenon. Need. More. Melon.
That's all, folks.
Sweet dreams, and don't forget to lend me your thoughts! Comment away.
PS. I am considering starting an email list for all those who read but don't get on myspace enough to keep up with my "new post" bulletins. If you're interested in having alerts emailed to your inbox to let you know when I've got a new post up, leave a comment with your email address, or send me an email at annieinfinity@gmail.com. Thanks, guys! Peace.
11 comments:
hello miss. yesterday ( or this morning ) i was far too tired to comment with anything legitimate. but, i wanted to tell you that sometimes when i get very sleepy i go crosseyed off and on. haha, maybe that happens to a lot of people? im not sure.
and some more things. i feel like god probably has this special niche for you in the working world, so even though you have to get a job. dont settle, til you know its right.
and also, im reading a book by josh harris ( gasp. ) its called " boy meets girl: say hello to courtship" its really good. i mean, good in the sense of it makes me rethink everything and wonder how in the heck i am ever going to figure out when and who and what and why as far as getting married. haha. have you read it? i would like to talk about this with you.
also, why dont we ever talk. i mean we have this great heart connection. you even call me jessica sometimes. and in a world full of forgotten real names, and overbearing nicknames. i feel lost in a sea of jvs. its nice for someone to pull me back in every once in a while.
annie isnt short for anything. but perspicacious.
anyways, like i was saying. i really dont know why we get along really well and have such similarities. yet we have never spent time getting to know each others hearts.
this seems crazy to me.
also, i am having all kinds of crazy thoughts in my head about dating and who i love, and what the heck im doing concerning a certain someone and love and this and that. and blah blah. so if you ever wanna talk about this nonsense and put our nonsense love ideas together. i'd like that.
this was long
ps) xjessicavickeryx@gmail.com
i love you.
i don't think any of us will have the slightest honest notion of true love till we meet Jesus face to face. but I must say, that is quite an awesome movie, though I'm told by my friends that the 6 hour bbc one is the only good one and that I should be ashamed for liking the one with *gasp* Keira Knightly!
tukelarbutton@gmail.com
Lukas Mckaine
i like that movie, too, even if it took out a bunch of characters.the book explains Lizzy and Darcy's transition from love to hate a lot better, but i s'pose u know that.
and u went on after that anyway, about how someone 'knows'. i dont claim to know [though ill say i do believe in 'it'.],
but i saw a play tonight, called Metamorphoses [which i bet u'd love] and there was a scene about Eros[the god of love] and Psyche[his wife] who wanted to see him with her eyes [he forbid her to] and so snuck into his room at night while he was sleeping. and i wish i could remember it exactly, but it said something about how psyche means soul and how the soul searches in the dark and finds love to create the perfect happy ending.
that didnt answer you, and i didnt explain it right anyway, but ur thoughts reminded me of that and i wanted to tell. and show you my talent for run-on sentences. :]
this is the same person....
in the beginning, i meant their transition from hate to love. sorry. and i also meant to say...
When u find ur conclusions along with ur wonderings and finally write a book [which im sure u will] u should give it the same title as this post. its __________. i dont know how to say it, but i like it.
k ill shut up now. :)
Annie, I love this post. I have to say though, there is no way I could even come close to answering all of these "Love Questions." See, as I am sure you know, I am 28 years old, never been married, and have no children. All of this is due mainly to living my 20's overseas and engaged in combat deployments. I have found that war seems to play a toll on finding your true love. I will tell you something that you already know. God has a plan for all of us, and I deeply have faith in that. He will bring that person into your world when he feels you are ready. I believe this, because I believe in him.
Now, in Iraq and in the Diyala Province where I operate out of, the people are mostly farmers. I am one of those weird people that do not eat watermelon, but all of my buddies here do. I have been told by everyone that has purchased an "Iraqi Watermelon" while we were out in sector that they taste better than any watermelon you can find in the United States. I have seen them, they are smaller than American Watermelons, but it is said that they are twice as sweet.
Anyway, keep writing Annie and keep me intouch when you post another.
Benny
PS: ben.p.graham@us.army.mil
Aside from the whole part about Pride and Prejudice, I have been thinking about the same things. I can't confirm, but right now I am willing to submit that just about everyone between the age of 15-30 thinks about these things way to much...but it isn't way to much because it is a part of us figuring out what life is supposed to be about.
With that being said, here is where I get stuck. Where is the balance between "meant to be"/"the one"/any other phrase to communicate cosmic ordination of two people to be together...and the other side of "love is a choice". How do you not fall too far to either extreme? It is weird that America is one of the only places in the world that look at marraige in this way. When Martin Luther was doing the whole Prodestent Reformation bit (yes, I called it a bit)...he lined up the priests and nuns and married them all off. One nun was left over, so he married her. I am not saying we should do things like that, but I wonder sometimes if we are chasing this intangible feeling or assurance in relationships that is really not part of God's plan when it comes to marraige.
I guess what I mean is this: What if what our parents talk about and all those who have gone before us who give us the "you'll just know" line...what if we are looking at the love they have in the wrong way? What I mean is we are looking at it from our point of view which says "give me assurance of what I think I want to do." Basically saying, "God, give me these signs and wonders either within me through my emotions or externally in some way." I just wonder if we should look at it from another perspective. I wonder if the assurance we are looking for is found in our ability to make a lifetime commitment and serve it out each day.
What if our parents line of "you'll just know" isn't delivered from a memory of them being teenagers and having some magical moment...but is delivered from a weird tan line on their ring finger? What if it comes from their thoughts on a car-ride home to pick the spouse up and take 'em to the hospital? What if it comes from some embarrassing moment the spouse always creates? What if it comes from the walking trail in the park they have walked together hundreds of times? I guess what I am asking is what if the assurance we are looking for is found in our ability to daily serve the person we have committed to? What if the "you'll just know" feeling will only truly reside when I am living in the actualization of a commitment to God to love a wife as Christ loved the church. Is it possible that only then will I feel that affirmation I am wanting to feel before I even pursue a relationship?
Like I said, just some thinking and wrestlings.
Thanks for sharing your thought Annie!
Hmmm,
Your half thoughts are good.
I have so many half thoughts,
and I just always had an idea that maybe when the time was right I would find that my half thoughts and someone else's half thoughts would fit together and make one of those sought after conclusion-things.
But I don't actually know anything.
Maybe when you see me next it will be a little like seeing the ocean and you won't feel quite as bad.
<3
the hardest part of all is when you do know, in the deepest part of you that you and the one you love are meant for each other...yet they do not agree.
Hello there.
I'm a super good friend of Grace Bellury's. She's explained to me your relationship to her and I find it all rather amusing. Anyways. I came across this thing one time when Grace was over at my house and became very interested in your thoughts and opinions on silly things, and how you make silly things seem not quite as silly.
I think you have a knack for finding the beauty and importance in things. It seems you're good at asking just the right kind of questions to get people thinking about stuff like that.
Kudos, Gold stars, and Warm fuzzies to you for that.
Also, Pride and Prejudice is a lovely movie and I can't wait to read the book. I go to Heritage and we're reading it ... next year? I think. :)
As far as love, feelings, and romance goes, my thoughts are also half thoughts. In fact, they're probably not even half, they're about... eighth-thoughts. So I don't have much to say except for, to trust the wisdom of your elders. Especially parents. When the time comes, I'm going to sit down one day and have a big long talk with my mother about things like this because I really do trust her knowledge about what true love is.
I also agree with Luke (he's a cool kid) about True TRUE love. That for sure is the face of God. God Himself is love.
But as for earthly love, and soul-mates and such, I think it's something that is more than a feeling. I think we'll know.
you leave me speechless, babe. your words are so inticing. i love reading these thoughts of yours. for some reason, the incomplete ones are always the better ones. maybe this is because there's room for The End, or Furthermore, or In Addition, and not just, And That's That. you know what i mean?
your lists are always clever. or rather, the explinations of them are. i'm talking about, of course, being able to put a list together that has Get A Job and Apply For College on the same list as Eat More Watermelon. ok, so, maybe clever is the wrong word. how about just plain.. entertaining. :-)
~your bff, elliemonellie
i just came by looking for a new blog.
i hope you realized what this means.
almost everytime i've come here there's been two or more blogs i haven't read.
but now,
now i'm hooked.
and i come back daily looking for more.
i'm not telling you to be rushed and write more, i just thought you should know what just happened.
<3elbellbff
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