peaches & dreams.

Today, I am quiet on the inside.

I am sitting in the living room drinking a homemade peaches & cream icecreamdrink. If we had not already consumed all of the milk in the house, it would have been a milkshake.

As is, it's blender'd ice cream and peaches.

I'm content.

For the Fathers of the Day:



Okay, moving on.


I feel sugary in my soul. Thank you, peaches.

Thought 1: I think that if there could be an internal landscape to my head and heart today, It would look like a storm coming in off the coast of Maine. Quiet, unsettled, crisp, and willing to welcome in any who would brave the storm. There are little pockets of sadness in my heart today, stemming from different places of my life that are less-than-happy. There aren't many of them, and it isn't an overwhelming sadness. It's a calm, sighing sadness that takes up residence so softly that I am not even tempted to ask it to leave. Not yet. It will find the wind and and float away on its own, I think, if given a little bit of time.

Thought 2: I have been so full of words in these last few weeks. Daily, I am writing journal entries, letters, blogs, notes on bulletins, anything that involves me, a thought, and somewhere to put it. Mainly, I've been journaling. Sam, the esteemed boyfriend, was at my house on Friday and didn't leave until about 11:15 at night. It didn't matter that I was already tired, or that I had spent the day spilling our thoughts and words, I needed more. So, I wrote. A long message to my best friend Erin, who is in Ohio, and a page of considerings in my journal. It's a process of processing. It is the unraveling of my tightly-wound mind and heart, so that I may more easily access myself without the barrier of everything I'm thinking about blocking my view.


Thought 3: Along with words, I have been full of questions. In spending time with Samuel on Friday, I found myself all the time asking him, "What are you thinking?" The impulse to ask would just spring up from the well of musings in my mind and travel through my mouth into the open air, almost without any conscious approval on my part. In addition to this, I found so many more questions inside myself, rushing to the front of my mind in the sweet silences between our conversations. As we'd sit, quietly being happy to be where we were, I'd wonder and ponder and dream. Occasionally, I would speak from my dreams and ask whatever was on my mind. This is something I am doing in more than just one relationship. God, and his hands in my life, fill my heart with questions to wrestle with. Not to wrestle down, or to silence, but to fight with, and for, and about.

Thought 4: I got to talk to three of the closest to my heart last night, all in a row. While I shared my heartmusings with Sam, Julisa called. While I spilled the inner details of my life to Jules, Erin called. And with Erin, I got to laugh about Satan and the center of the earth, and just remember why I love her so very much. I truly think it was a gift from God. He knows what I need. He knows that I struggle to pick up the phone and call someone, even my closest someones, just to tell them about my day, unless they ask. He knows that I so long for close conversation with the ones I call my foundation. He knows, and he provides.

Thought 5: I feel like making lists.

Things I Am Not A Big Fan Of:

I. Mosquito Bites The Size of A Small Galaxy. Especially on my feet, which is where they are currently. Seven that I can count, all from stargazing with that boy on Friday night.

II. That Sugary-Soul Feeling. Usually, it's enough to steer me away from any great amount of sugar for the next couple of days. Le yuk.


III. When Drinking Glasses Sweat. I mean, honestly. What do they have to be nervous about? Maybe it's the perpetual state of absolute openness. Or the all-the-time kissing people, thing. Whatever. It's annoying, and it makes weird stains on wooden tables.

IV. Still Not Being Out Of School. I don't even want to talk about it.

And, so we can all smile a little lighter, some happiness.

Things I Like, Absolutely:

A. Stargazing on Fridays. It's worth the bugs.

B. Warm Pavement and Cold Rain. Possibly one of my favorite feelings ever. If it's raining hard enough, you can't even see through the mist of the drops bouncing back off of the ground.

C. Going to Bed Tired. I know now that the reason sleeping used to be harder was because when I said, "I'm not tired!" I meant it. Now that I can wait until sleep sounds like a good idea, my body is much more understanding, usually.


That is all.

See you soon.

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Peace in the middle east.
See you 'rrround.