what kind of girl i am.

I just watched Juno.



I am much endeared. Is that a word?

For those of you who are confused, Juno is not a city in Alaska. It is a movie about a girl who becomes pregnant at the age of sixteen. I'm not sure exactly what to say about it except that I am surprised how much I liked it. I had that on-edge feeling that happens when I am so involved in a movie that I get all tied up in knots trying to participate in the story.

So, when Jennifer Garner got tremblingly on her knees to speak to the baby still in Juno's womb, I trembled too.
And when Juno cried by herself on the side of the road, I understood.
And when the gawky, too-thin love of her life laid next to her on a hospital bed, I was completely drawn in.

Because it is a good story, with good people.

And thought the list is long, I'd have to say that one of the things about the story that sank into me the deepest was the conversation between Juno and her daddy. They are sitting in the kitchen after Juno has come in from a day of "losing all faith in humanity." She doesn't know how to believe that two people can love each other forever, really. Her father's response was something along the lines of,
"Find the person who loves you for exactly what you are. Ugly, pretty, good day, bad day, handsome...whatever."

And she said, "I think I've found that person."

And I, in my recliner, felt my heart smiling. I don't really know how to make sense of why yet, but I liked it. I see so much of me in Juno's story, even though there is nothing about her life that looks like mine. Except that she is a girl starting to feel like maybe she has to be a woman soon, and that she is bewildered by the change. She steps through the puddles of her own naïveté and smallness into something that feels way bigger than she can handle. She grows up a little bit, and finds herself to be in love, and there is life in the end. And the collective audience of my generation will sigh: we are growing up, too.


Anyway. Those are just some of my immediate thoughts...maybe I will watch it again, and process more the second time around. If you decide to see it, my disclaimer is that it is rough around the edges. Lots of unabashed sex-talk and teenagers talking like sailors. But if you know me the least bit, you know that I'm not a big fan of junk food and no exercise. There is some yuk in Juno, but it comes with the good stuff, and didn't leave me with that "in need of a soul shower" feeling. It may, however, make you want to fall in love, or have a baby, or get a cool name like Juno. Or write a blog.

I guess we can be glad I choose the latter option.


In other news, today was an extremely productive day. If you hate your life and feel bad about your existence, please read no further. Even I am impressed with me, although that may not be an infrequent occurrence. What God has been telling me, though, is that what I do is not who I am. This morning, I looked out my window while these words ran through my head:

Today I can do whatever I please. Some choices will be better for me, morally, physically, or spiritually, but it will be okay if I do not always do the right thing. What I do does not change what I am, or who God is.

And it's all over the Bible, too. A couple of days ago, I read in Galatians 3:11,
The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.


Amazing. It is so hard to grasp. So, although today was extremely productive, before I go to sleep, I will need to remind myself that my worth, my value, my real life, none of that ever got any better or worse at any time in this day. I am free to live and free to make mistakes and free to be loved by God because he made it so that I don't get to DO anything. Everything has been done. He loves me just the same, and I am of great value no matter what.

I don't understand it. But it is.


Now, with that said, I did run three miles today for the first time. Running is still a gift to me. So, even though I feel so accomplished, the joy in that is bigger and fuller and brighter when I know that God equips me to live without limits.

As my friend Cory Lebovitz put it,
"...I was made to experience something of fullness and joy in life as I push forward with intense momentum. I was born to run."


On that sweet note,

sweet dreams, world.


P.S. birthday soon!